It is more comfortable for me, in the long run, to be rude than polite.
The idea for this post has come up in conversation with friends time and again, finally I’m sharing this concept with you in the hope that I’m not alone.
“how was the meal? ” asked the waiter.
“Great” I replied, knowing full well the food wasn’t up to much and they had forgotten our drinks order and taken forever to bring the starters.
Why didn’t I tell the truth?
It struck me that I have on more than one occasion been polite rather than honest- the result being that I suffer at the hands of someone else’s actions.
So why didn’t I tell the truth?
Fear of confrontation, fear of offending, lack of assertiveness and any number of possible drivers lead me, and I’m sure, countless others to be polite rather than assertive.
The trouble with this approach to life is that it breeds passive aggression – you spend your time pleasing others whilst feeling resentful.
I’ve been overcharged in shops, too nervous to stand my ground, short changed, too afraid to highlight the mistake and kept waiting and waiting and waiting in my life of pleasing others before myself.
An accumulation of these events caused me to take a stand – I decided the price of politeness was just too high.
I could find no good reason not to say the food was awful, or that I was disappointed to be kept waiting by a friend or loved one, or short changed, or any number of situations where I was left disadvantaged.
With no good reason to be polite and “keep the peace” I was sacrificing my peace of mind to please others.
The trouble with the strategy of pleasing others, is that you live a false existence and encourage resentment – by pleasing others at your cost you also dent your self esteem by confirming that you are somehow less important and thus your happiness will take a secondary position to that of others.
Never again will I appease others at my own cost – the price is simply too high and the argument inadequate.
In the most polite and assertive way possible I will banish the falseness that has insulated me for so long, I will be polite and nice but I will stand my ground.
The question is, what price have you paid in the name of politeness?